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Stranges End Of Interview Questions for 2012

Published February 7, 2013 by Jackie

So. I’m aware that asking questions has become a rather large trend after interviews. And for good reason. It shows interest and cognitive thinking. But sometimes I have to ask myself what the people who act questions like these are like outside of a professional environment. While I was Stumbling through the internet and looking for some inspiration, I came across this article. I had to re-read it a few times before asking myself who had the testicular fortitude to really ask these things. For your entertainment, I present you with 25 things I wish I would have thought of first.

1. “If you were to get rid of one state in the U.S., which would it be and why?” – Asked at Forrester Research,  research associate candidate.

2. “How many cows are in Canada?” – Asked at Google, local data quality evaluator candidate.

3. “How many quarters would you need to reach the height of the Empire State building?” – Asked at JetBlue, pricing/revenue management analyst candidate.

4. “A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?” – Asked at Clark Construction Group, office engineer candidate.

5. “What songs best describes your work ethic?” – Asked at Dell, consumer sales candidate.

6. “[Amazon CEO] Jeff Bezos walks into your office and says you can have a million dollars to launch your best entrepreneurial idea. What is it?” – Asked at Amazon, product development candidate.

7. “What do you think about when you are alone in your car?” – Asked at Gallup, associate analyst candidate.

8. “How would you rate your memory?” – Asked at Marriott, front desk associate candidate.

9. “Name 3 previous Nobel Prize winners.” – Asked at BenefitsCONNECT, office manager candidate.

10. “Can you say: ‘Peter Pepper Picked a Pickled Pepper’ and cross-sell a washing machine at the same time?” – Asked at MasterCard, call center candidate.

11. “If we came to your house for dinner, what would you prepare for us?” – Asked at Trader Joe’s, crew candidate.

12. “How would people communicate in a perfect world?” – Asked at Novell, software engineer candidate.

13. “How do you make a tuna sandwich?” – Asked at Astron Consulting, office manager candidate.

14. “My wife and I are going on vacation — where would you recommend?” – Asked at PricewaterhouseCoopers, advisory associate candidate.

15. “You are a head chef at a restaurant and your team has been selected to be on [the TV show] ‘Iron Chef’. How do you prepare your team for the competition, and how do you leverage the competition for your restaurant?” – Asked at Accenture, business analyst candidate.

16. “Estimate how many windows are in New York.” – Asked at Bain & Co., associate consultant candidate.

17. “What’s your favorite song? Perform it for us now.” – Asked at LivingSocial, Adventures City manager candidate.

18. “Calculate the angle of two clock pointers when the time is 11:50.” – Asked at Bank of America, software developer candidate.

19. “Have you ever stolen a pen from work?” – Asked at Jiffy Software, software architect candidate.

20. “Pick two celebrities to be your parents.” – Asked at Urban Outfitters, sales associate candidate.

21. “What kitchen utensil would you be?” – Asked at Bandwidth.com, marketer candidate.

22. “If you had turned you cell phone to silent and it rang really loudly despite it being on silent, what would you tell me?” – Asked at Kimberly-Clark, biomedical engineer candidate.

23. “On a scale from 1 to 10, rate me as an interviewer.” – Asked at Kraft Foods, general laborer candidate.

24. “If you could be anyone else, who would it be?” – Asked at Salesforce.com, sales representative candidate.

25. “How would you direct someone else on how to cook an omelet?” – Asked at PETCO, analyst candidate.

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On Relationship Theory, Why Women Are Crazy, Making Soap, and Finances

Published January 4, 2013 by Jackie

I have known my dear friend Trav for over a decade now. We have a rare friendship. No matter what corners of the Earth I run to, he is always there for me. And for that I am grateful. He has seen me at my worst with my hair tussled up in a sloppy bun on top of my head, dirty pajamas, and wreaking of the debauchery from the night before. In short, he knew me when I was in High School and he witnessed my college years. I will go as far as to say that this man knows me. I mean really KNOWS me. He also knows just how much of a sucker I am for picking apart social behavior. After a night of insomnia, I woke to find my facebook riddled with Trav and one particular thing peaked my interest.

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He has a valid point. Love and sex are two completely different things. What a lot of people don’t seem to comprehend is that relationships are not all about sex and sex is not all about being in love. I’m willing to bet that when your parents became pregnant with you it might not have been because they were oh so very much in love and wanted to share it with a baby. Statistically speaking you were probably an unplanned happy accident. Why? Because humans don’t have a mating season. We screw all year. And when our hormones get involved we get very stupid. Mind you, everything I’m about to preach is solely my opinion. Why? Because this is my blog and I do what I want. But when it’s appropriate, I will provide you with some additional reading material. So, let’s kick this off. I want to start by telling you that Disney has lied to you. All of you. Disney and Shakespeare have successfully warped perception in to causing people to think that when the credits finish rolling, Cinderella isn’t on her hands and knees scrubbing the floors while her Prince Charming watches football with the bros. It brainwashes us in to thinking that Belle wasn’t in to bestiality. It causes us to believe that two teenagers who barely knew each other for two weeks offing themselves is romantic. Why? Because humans over all are dumb. Get that noise out of your head now. I’m not saying romance doesn’t exist. But I am saying that no family is like Leave It To Beaver. It’s the bane of being a part of a generation where watching Nick at Nite was considered “family time.” But do you know what these things are? Entertainment. You will save yourself a lot of divorce bills if you can understand that these things are nothing more than entertainment.

Second, studies have indicated that human beings aren’t necessarily meant to be monogamous. That’s why we experience our lives with multiple sex partners unless it goes against some kind of moral or religious belief. But that stems more in to world culture and that’s a talk for another day. While it’s nice to think that with the niches we have evolved to develop take a hand in our calling, as a species we have one purpose. To reproduce. And that is what it has been since the cave man days. Mind you, that is purely from a sociological point of view looking at the human species as a whole. I’ll get to the homosexuals/pansexuals/asexuals later. Relationships have a lot of complicated dynamics to them. There are a series of labels and definitions that go hand in hand with the variant degrees of personality archetypes. But if I go off on that tangent, I won’t ever stop. So if you’d like to read more on this perspective, check out this thread on Ted Talks about Games and Deception in Relationships. 

If you’re still with me, please understand that there is a very good chance I am going to offend you. I don’t think like a typical woman. And this whole piece happens to be an opinion piece. Most of those who read this know me in person and are already aware that I can be a touch blunt and vulgar. Now that the preliminaries are out of the way, let’s get on with this.

ImageMeet Trav. Handsome little devil, isn’t he? For this following bit I’m going to be using him as an example in three different realities. Why? Because he got me started on this before I had a chance to make my coffee this morning and I’m going to be on this all night. And because this will make more sense with constant examples.

The Circumstance: Trav and Jackie are engaged in a hypothetical committed relationship where they have an understanding. It’s their 5 year anniversary and Trav has decided to take Jackie out on a traditional American date. Dinner and a movie. After the matinee, the two drive to their local steak house. Why steak? Bitches love steak.  Upon being seated in a booth near the back, they order their appetizer and drinks. The average person would be relatively attracted to the waitress. Curvy, great skin, very symmetrical. It really doesn’t matter on the specifics. Point is, waitress kind of has it going on. For the sake of naming things, let’s call her Jane. And Jane could clearly be buried in a Y shaped coffin if you catch my drift. The waitress could just be flirting for a better tip. After all, I’m sure Jane is putting herself through college and working 2 jobs to do so. Or she could just be in to promiscuous sex with strangers. Don’t judge her. She is who she is and there’s nothing wrong with that.

In a perfect world…
Trav would mention something about the waitress and Jackie would comment on the angle of her skirt and how it contrasts the back of her knees, how the heels perk Jane’s backside and speculation. At the end of the meal, Trav would nonchalant talk the waitress in to coming home for a night cap.

IF YOU WANT JACKIE TO HAVE A THREESOME SCROLL DOWN TO PARAGRAPH 1
IF YOU WANT JACKIE TO GIVE TRAV HER BLESSING TO SLEEP WITH JANE SCROLL DOWN TO PARAGRAPH 2
IF YOU WANT JACKIE TO CALMLY TERMINATE THE RELATIONSHIP SCROLL TO PARAGRAPH 3

In A Stereotypical world…
Trav would mention something about the waitress and Jackie would get offended. I mean, for crying out loud. It’s their anniversary. Would it kill him to be less of a sexist pig and maybe not objectify the waitress clearly making her feel insecure? Seeing the visible disruption of Jackie’s unhappiness, Trav would reassure her that she is all he wants. Feeling skeptic, Jackie forces a smile and begins to brood and silently stew while faking a smile and eating her medium rare steak with sauteed onions and mushrooms with a small salad on the side and a glass of Tannin wine. Allow me to walk you through the phases of female crazy when it comes to feeling your territory is threatened. Mind you, some feel parts of this stronger than others do and some periods for a longer time.

Disrespect: What, does he not realize I’m right here?
Insecurity: Is she prettier than me?
Depression: Why am I even trying? He’ll just leave when something better comes along.
Temporary Defeat: Why is he even with me? Would he be happier with her? What’s wrong with me?
Smug Attitude: Wait, what’s wrong with me?! No. I busted my ass for 5 years bending over backwards. Sometimes literally. What the hell, man?!
‘Nigga Moment: Motherfucker wants to try and do me dirty?! I pack a fucking chain saw! And let that skank flash her cleavage in our face one more time! Bitch won’t look so pretty with a face full of lye!

Girls are tricky. We go through this entire cycle while politely smiling and pretending to be “perfectly fine.” Now. Back to the good stuff!

The waitress Jane uses her cunning to obtain Trav’s cell phone number and insists that his phone needs a rather promiscuous and provocative image of herself scantily clad and doing things against most health codes after hours in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Trav and Jackie engage in anniversary sex. I’m pretty sure there’s a rule somewhere stating that after you make it passed the first year, you’re obligated to give up some booty for holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. After the ritual of copulation, Trav and Jackie engage in typical romanticism post coital and Trav falls asleep. Still distraught and raging with hormones, Jackie violates the privacy Trav has by looking in his phone and comes across said picture. Now, as an observer, please remember that Trav has not exactly slept with Jane yet.

IF YOU WANT JACKIE TO THROW A FIT LIKE A MAD BLACK WOMAN WHO DOESN’T HAVE JESUS IN HER LIFE SCROLL TO PARAGRAPH 4
IF YOU WANT JACKIE TO GET EVEN SCROLL TO PARAGRAPH 5
IF YOU WANT JACKIE TO ROLL OVER AND CRY HERSELF TO SLEEP SCROLL DOWN TO PARAGRAPH 6
IF YOU WANT JACKIE TO CALMLY TERMINATE THE RELATIONSHIP SCROLL TO PARAGRAPH 3

In the real world…
Please understand that Trav is not a typical man and I am not a typical woman. We’re very similar in nature and demeanor with key differences. For example, he’s a Catholic conservative republican and I’m a spiritual liberal democrat. I imagine the dialogue would consist of the following staple.

Trav: Insert quiet compliment directed at the waitress.
Jackie: After pretending not to look, insert a comment about how the A line skirt contrasts nicely with the nylons over the back of her knees and how her heels accent her back end. Jackie would then take a bite of her small crab salad.
Trav: Insert a pun about Jackie enjoying fish and other sea food.

The two laugh and continue to enjoy their meals until the check time. Trav, being a gentleman in nature (and knowing it would irritate Jackie in a playful way because it reinforces a gender stereotype) would pick up the check. Just before leaving the tip, Trav expresses a desire to see if the waitress is a natural [insert hair color].

IF YOU WANT JACKIE TO HAVE A THREESOME SCROLL DOWN TO PARAGRAPH 1
IF YOU WANT JACKIE TO GIVE TRAV HER BLESSING TO SLEEP WITH JANE SCROLL DOWN TO PARAGRAPH 2
IF YOU WANT JACKIE TO CALMLY TERMINATE THE RELATIONSHIP SCROLL TO PARAGRAPH 3

 

PARAGRAPH 1
You wanted Jackie to engage in a threesome. You must REALLY like Trav. After the bill is taken, Jackie waltzes in to the ladies room and removes her underwear to leave as a tribute gift for the waitress Jane. This entices Jane in to following them to a motel after her shift. Don’t judge. I don’t want to clean that mess up. Jackie and Jane get better acquainted while Trav runs to the nearest convenient store to pick up proper supplies. You know, because nobody wants to get pregnant. Or diseased. And nobody knows if this chick is REALLY clean. She dots her eyes with hearts for crying out loud. After a tryst that could only be described as a penthouse letter in the making, the waitress parts ways and the couple makes their way back home to sleep the shame off. And Trav was a happy man.

PARAGRAPH 2
You wanted Jackie to give her blessing. You must like Trav. After it’s brought up, Jackie calmly and sincerely expresses that he is free to sleep with the waitress, but she was going to sit this one out. Trav looks at Jackie with skeptic eyebrows. You know the ones. But Jackie assures him that it is not a trap and that she’d think less of him if he didn’t dick the hot waitress. When the bill is paid for, Jackie wanders to a slam poetry coffee lounge to sip a chai latte while Trav has his way balls deep in the waitress. They agree to have it wrapped up (Ha! Wrapped! Get it?) by a certain time. A relatively reasonable hour. Why? Because Jackie wants to see who The Doctor is saving the world from this week. And she wants to do it from the comfort of bed. The waitress moves along. Trav cleans up the mess and replaces the sheets. Jackie comes home to Trav in the shower. Cue the romantic crap.

PARAGRAPH 3
You want Jackie to terminate the relationship. Well, what can you do? She calmly smiles and expresses that she would never keep him from what he wants, but that this was not something she could be a part of. After a serious talk and some hard core hand holding, she explains her standpoint and he explains his. Realizing that they can’t find a happy middle ground and that if she were to stay he would only violate her trust that he worked for over a decade to get (starting from the day they met) they decide to part on friendly terms. They pay for their meal and go home for the last time together. After assuring that Jackie is sure that she won’t be hurt by it and making sure she’s safely home, Trav meets up with the waitress at a motel.

PARAGRAPH 4
You want Jackie to flip complete shit. You must not have found Trav that adorable. In an irrational rage, Jackie whips the phone at Trav’s face. He wakes abruptly at first in a panic only to see a steaming Jackie in her pajamas and she does not look happy. He urges her to calm down but that only pokes the raging she-beast more. She starts yelling with a force that could scare titans back in to their mountain. She flings a robe over her shoulders and steps on to the balcony to smoke a cigarette. Worried about her health, Trav sheepishly follows and points out that she was doing so well on quitting. Much against his efforts, everything he says is worse. She feels betrayed. She feels hurt. And even though Trav didn’t screw the waitress he might as well have. Have you ever been so angry you could swing a cactus? Have you ever been so pissed you could beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker? Genghis Khan and Vlad the Impaler would be considering a tactical retreat at this point. A mix of alcohol and emotions causes her brain to go champagne supernova. She is beyond all reason. And while Trav fumbles over his words and tries to explain that he didn’t see it as a problem because he didn’t actually fuck her, muttering to himself how he should have at least hid the picture better, Jackie starts to get an eye twitch. Like lighting a match in front of Frankenstein. Trav, being a thin creature, is fast enough to get around her as she strikes with the fury of a thousand oppressed women. But being half awake, he fumbles on his footing and is hurled off of the balcony to his death with a metal pointed Victorian style fence post impaling his liver and kidney. That’s what he gets for allowing Jackie to have the master bedroom on the second floor. The neighbors hear him fall and Jackie shrieks. Why? Because he almost hit her car! Seriously, I don’t think basic car insurance covers that! The police come over and Jackie does what women have been doing for centuries. She lies. Convincingly. The viewing will be held at Jordan Funeral Home on Tuesday from 3pm to 7pm and Thursday from 11am to 3pm. The funeral will be held in Stockton Saturday at 2pm. And Jackie collected ALL the life insurance. All $589.32 after funeral costs.

PARAGRAPH 5
You want Jackie to get even. You tricky devil you. Upon discovering this image, she decides to beat him to the punch by turning to the deepest, darkest, most depraved part of the internet. Craigslist Casual Encounters. She quickly finds someone looking for a one night stand and gets ready with the quickness by throwing a trench coat over her babydoll nightie and lace boy shorts. With ninja stealth, she gets in her car and drives to the decided location to have anonymous and raunchy sex. The kind of sex you hope to whatever God you believe in that your grandmother never finds about. In the middle of letting a stranger or 6 do to her what she hasn’t even allowed Trav to do, she convinces them to all take pictures in the act and send them to his phone. It ends with a disgusting cream pie bukkake style image with a caption “BEAT YOU TO THE PUNCH.” And that’s what Trav wakes up to.

PARAGRAPH 6
Jackie realizes that this is her future. She caves in to her insecurities. She steps in to a shower to wash the feeling of worthlessness away but dammit, they just don’t make water hot enough. She slinks downstairs and throws her diet down the garbage disposal, watching late night episodes of Dr. Phil and eating potato chips by the Ruffles bag. She gains 95 pounds in less than a month and sleeps on the couch without telling Trav why. She insists everything is alright. This continues until the relationship and the friendship dissolves.

That was a fun exercise, wasn’t it? You might be asking yourself, Jackie… what point were you trying to make? Easy. Bitches are fucking crazy because we have dumb expectations and seem to have a hard time understanding why we’re upset. Your boyfriend doesn’t have to cheat on you to piss you off and make you go Hulk on someone using your shoes as a shank. You just have to think they have the desire. And a lot of women could take a page from the philosophies of Helen Fisher. Most women don’t understand why they’re upset. If you don’t know why you’re really upset, your counter part sure as hell won’t understand. It bleeds in to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Before you even engage in a serious relationship you should figure out who you are. But enough about that. You can go to the Wiki and read on your own time. You know, when I’m not on a soap box.

Now. What defines cheating? Most people draw the line at infidelity. Statistics show that a man will take physical infidelity worse while women are more scorn by the emotional cheating. Pick up a copy of Men Are From Mars. It covers that whole deal in that book. To cut down some of the reading process, understand that a relationship is a tripod. You need all three legs to be stable for a relationship to be stable. You must be financially stable. You must have stable trust and communication. And you must have stable romance. Romance does not equal sex. It’s that special closeness you feel, If you have financial issues as a couple then it will place stress on your communication and trust as well as your romantics with your companion. This will drive you to crumble. If you lack in trust and communication, well, I don’t have to tell you why that will blow up in your face like an Atom bomb. And if you don’t feel that degree of romanticism and closeness with your companion then you will find yourself reaching for this elsewhere. Why does infidelity hurt? I personally find that the pain comes from a violation of trust. Given my history and past I do not trust easy. So when that trust is violated it hits me hard and it’s very hard to get back. For some it could feed in to insecurities and inadequacy issues. If that’s the case, for the love of all that is holy go see a fucking shrink because you clearly have a deep rooted issue. If you find yourself in a series of failed relationships where you just can’t figure out why it hurts so much to be with someone and you feel you’d almost be better off alone, go be alone for a while and look at the common denominator. After typing for 6 pages, I’m exhausted on this topic. I might revisit it. But I’ve been typing this for over 4 hours.

On a completely unrelated note, I decided to try something new in the midst of my insomnia. I decided to make my own laundry soap, If this turns out to be a success, I will post the recipe I used. I currently do laundry for four (including myself) where two of us have a relative skin issue. Some detergents loaded with dyes and too many chemicals cause some skin irritation. I took a base laundry recipe (one bar of grated soap, one cup of cleaning soda, 2 gallons of water) and added a few things (such as white vinegar to assist in the release of residue and peroxide for organic stains) to mildly improve the process. I’m testing it later today on some hand washed garments. I have some high hopes in this!

And as far as finances go, my cousin Snow over at The 7 Flowers shared with me this brilliant finance goal for 2013. Please refer to the diagram below. I can’t wait to get started on this! I encourage you to check out her blog. Especially if you feel that being a military spouse, a mother, or raising children with autism is a special interest to you. As for me, I need coffee and a shower.

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Insomnia and boredom are a trecherous combination…

Published November 16, 2012 by Jackie

Stumbleupon has given me a character development sheet. I thought it would be fun to fill it in with my own information in stead of a fictional character. And holy HELL was this long! I started this 6 hours ago.  Now I can finally sleep.

Some of the Basics First:
Full Name: Jacqueline K. Lewis
Meaning of Name: Jacqueline comes from French, as the feminine form of Jacques. Jacques originated from ‘Jacob’, which is derived from the Hebrew meaning ‘may God protect’ or ‘supplanter’. Supplanter refers to a person who replaces someone or thing of lesser value, and this Hebrew meaning refers to Jacob supplanting Esau as recorded in the Hebrew Bible. ‘May God protect’ has a more positive connotation and is therefore the preferred meaning for the name.
Nickname: Jackie. Jaqi. Velma. Sunshine. Wench.
Birth Date: 4/26
Astrological Sign and Details: Taurus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taurus) Year of the Rabbit (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Year_of_the_Rabbit)
Birth Place: Newport News, Virginia
Age: 25
Nationality: Mostly white.
Race: ‘Merica!
Hair Color: Brunette, but always subject to change.
Hair Style: Bob cut grown out to shoulder length with bangs.
Shape and Features of Face: Oval face. French tipped nose. Slight cleft in the chin. Separated ear lobes. Small and barely noticeable scar above the left upper lip, left eye brow, and on ear lobes. “Normal” ear piercings as well as a piercing on the upper left ear.  Rounded eye brows.
Glasses or Contacts: Thick rimmed glasses/
Eye Color: Blue on the edges. Green in the middle. Splashes of brown freckles,
Skin Tone: Pale as HELL. In the warmer weather months I develop a healthy glow with “tan lines” from walking around. I am also prone to freckling.
Scars or Distinguishing Marks: Light scars covering the inside of the right arm in the form of thin lines and circular burns, back of the right wrist, on each knuckle, a solitary scar in an almost J shape on the inside of the right wrist, above the left side of the upper lip, each ear lobe, above the left eye brow, right and left  upper upper UPPER thigh in the shape of thin lines. Faded “jail style” tattoo on the inner left wrist that reads “Clyde” in a custom font inside of a spade. Tattoo on left upper thigh of Gir from Invader Zim riding on a Jhonen Vasquez style Cow King (see: Diablo II) with pink horns an a crown modeled after my friend JJ Brunner. Tattoo on the lower back of a Tribal design outlined in black and colored in with blue designed with hidden messages in it. Various black light reactive tattoos. Stretch marks on breast, stomach, and hip area. Scar on the left knee that takes up 3/4 of the knee. Scar on the right knee that takes up about 2/5 of the knee. Scars on ankles and feet from walkimg.
Disabilities: Very near sighted. No longer ambidextrous. Shotty balance. Vertically challenged. Left knee is a “trick knee.” Eyes sensitive to light. I also bruise easy. Hypothyroid disorder. Smoker’s lung. Hypersensitive sense of smell. Partially deaf in left ear. Clumsy in flat shoes.
Build or Body Type: Average build. Wide hips.
Height: 5’5″
Weight: It fluctuates between around 135 and 160 lbs
Speech Patterns: Usually I speak/type with proper grammar and an extensive vocabulary. My dialect is also very descriptive and vulgar. I have a habit of making up my own words or adapting ones that catch my attention, such as Obamacracy, Romnesia, and “wibbly wobbly timey wimey.”
Tag Words: cunt nugget. crotch pheasant. plethora. L’appel du vide (This word is a French word that has a difficult time translating to English. It’s the uncontrollable urge to leap when you’re in high elevations.) Most forms of slang from the 1920’s – 1980’s (such as Brannigan) multi-cultural slang. Slang in general. I have a degree of OCD when it comes to grammar, spelling, and language. I absolutely abhor “text speak” and tend to say it out loud in a form of irony. For example, “El oh el (LOL)! So, he was all ‘burb (brb) I need to eat. No jay kay (JK)’ and I was all “el oh el what? (lolwut)’ and then I roffled .(ROFL)”
Gestures: I tend to talk with my hands a lot and I find myself unintentionally dancing. I did ballet for a long time and because of that my feet instinctively go in to first and third position when I stand. When I lean over to grab something, I tend to extend a leg in the air for balance. I’ve been told I blink a lot. I’m pretty good at non-verbal communication. I wear my heart on my sleeve. But I’m polite about it.
Weakness: I am very intelligent. This is a strength and a weakness. I’m also very defiant by nature, and that gets me in to trouble. I have issues with authority. I’m also a very giving people and a lot of people have taken advantage of that. Being short has taught me that toe top shelf is my enemy. I have a Superman complex, meaning that I want to save everyone. That makes me subjected to co-dependent relationships. I’m still learning the difference between helping someone and enabling them. I tend to be emotionally detached . I have abandonment issues, especially with men. I also have PTSD with car crashes. I am heavily prone to trust issues. I understand that nobody should be held responsible for the sins and crimes of another. So I will place my trust in people fully until they do something to defile and rape my trust. Once that happens it is very difficult for me to place my trust back in you. After this has happened, I have yet to give someone my full trust. I’m also very directionally challenged. Addicted to caffeine and nicotine. VERY short attention span.
Special Abilities or Powers: I can remember almost every detail of something if I was upset when it happened. I can easily remember a large quantity of useless trivia and musical lyrics/poetry. I’ve been told that I’m really good at expressing how I feel. If you hurt me, I will tell you. When I tell you, you will probably cry. Or feel like the worst thing to salt my Earth. I live to make people laugh. I’ve also been called scary. The jury is still debating that one.

Family and Childhood:
Mother: Grace M. Olson
Father: Joe Lewis. Pretty unimportant.
Mother’s Occupation: She works for the Wal-Mart home office. I don’t know what she does exactly but whatever it is, she does a lot of it.
Father’s Occupation: Retired construction worker. Currently recycled carbon.
Birth Order: Terra. Jerry. Myself. Jennifer. Stacey. Eric.
Brothers: Jerry (half-brother on my father’s side) and Eric (former step-brother)
Sisters: Terra (half-sister from my father’s side) Jennifer (twin sister) and Stacey (former step-sister)
Other Close Family: My grandmother Carmen (mother’s side) as well as my Aunt Carol and her husband Peter, their daughter Emily, her children Steven and Makenzie, My uncle Richard and his companion Patricia, their daughter Snow and her husband Matt as well as her field hockey sized farm of ginger children, my aunt Carmen and her husband Woody, their daughter Karen and her mess of children (there’s too many for me to want to name.) My aunt Jayne, her hisband John, and their son JR as well as their daughters Jessica and Joey. Joey’s gaggle of children. My aunt Barbera and her farm of children. My aunt Judy and her husband Al, their son Myk and his wife (as well as the child she’s harboring inside of her) and their son Dan as well as his wife Cathy and their two children. It’s almost easier to just say “my mother’s side of the family”.
Best Friend: Human? Ian “Ibis” Burton. Also known as Nyxian.
Other Friends: Most people I come across. I’m a friendly extrovert.
Enemies: The Western New York Developmental Disability Service Office. Bees and wasps. Most rednecks. Reality TV stars. People who talk on their phone while in a movie theater. Skrillex.
Pets: Currently 2 dogs and 6 cats (5 of them were strays that my mother took in. They come and go as they please.) This is, of course, not counting the strays that have not integrated indoors yet.
Home Life During Childhood: Very noisy and chaotic. I grew up in a large family with a full house. The car crash I was in at the age of 2 made growing up a little unorthodox. It wasn’t the best, but I made the best of it. I devoted a large portion of my childhood to responsibilities to my family, learning, and trying to run away from whatever unknown force was making me unhappy.
Town or City Name(s): My staple home base was Sinclairville, NY and Jamestown, NY in the greater Buffalo area. Mind you, I moved a lot and ran off a lot but I always came back. At least until 2010 when I promised myself that I would never live there again. Visit, yes. But never live.
Details of Town(s) or City(s): Sinclairville, NY is a large area but not very populated. It’s mostly dairy farmers. The first home I knew had a lot of wooded areas and a good space between neighbors. It also had well water. This meant quick showers and loud noise. The second home I knew was a lot more residential but still not very populated. I lived next to a fire hall that sparked my interest in electromagnetic pulses. (The siren went off every day at noon and with the valley this town sits in, I swear it all funneled right in to my room.) It had a charming park where kids would get high or drunk in the woods behind it near the creek. Upstream at the creek was a little local swimming hole. I was around the corner from a General Store thing. But it was too small of a town for me. Jamestown, NY was a lot dirtier. It was a hole in the wall. There were a few charming stops but for the most part that place needs to be carpet bombed.
What Did Jacqueline’s  Bedroom Look Like: It was a mess. I think my mother threatened to put me on Hoarders. My walls were white and pointy from stucco paint. The carpet and the molding were black. The curtains were translucent black mesh on copper rods. When you walked in, the closet was to the right with full length mirrors for sliding glass doors. On this same wall was a door leading to a small patio outside. My room was on the 2nd floor. The patio had a flimsy rail on it and allowed me to star gaze from the roof. There were two windows in my room. I had Christmas lights around the ceiling and the floor, a plethora of lava lamps and fiber optics. My walls were covered in posters, pictures, pretty much anything I could attach to them. My main comforter was a black fuzzy blanket with a large dragon on it. It matched the dragon figurines I had. Most of my furniture was black to contrast the white walls. I also had three shelves above my bed holding Chinese ceramic dishes. One half of my bedroom was the sleeping and the other half was outfitted to look like a living room. There was usually a cat asleep on my bed somewhere. But I’m not joking. I had a LOT of stuff.
Any Sports or Clubs: Child’s soccer. Track and Field. Ballet. Jazz. Tap. Any dance I could learn. Band (clarinet) and Chorus. Photo Club. Computer Club. Anime Club.
Favorite Toy or Game: Are we counting computers as toys? If not, I had a PSX with Legends of Dragoon.
Schooling: Sinclairville Elementary, Cassadaga Valley Middle/High, Jamestown Community College
Favorite Subject: English and Art were tied.
Popular or Loner: I didn’t do “cliques”. I simply existed. I had my friends but I also had my alone time.
Important Experiences or Events: Car crash when I was 2. Another car crash in the 6th grade. My mother got married and then divorced. I met Ibis in a yahoo chat room. Years later, he stole his father’s bright pink truck and came to visit me. My grandfather died shortly after his brain was taken over by dementia. First concert was when I was in the 6th grade. It was Adema, Cold, and Disturbed opening for Staind’s Break The Cycle tour.
Health Problems: Absolutely terrible vision. Hypothyroid (diagnosed in 2005)
Culture: I come from a very American family with a strong line of female dominance. I refer to this as my “Spartan Viking Household”. I as an individual was more fascinated with other cultures and tried to adapt myself to ones that particularly caught my eye (such as never placing chop sticks standing up in my food).
Religion and beliefs: My family is mostly Episcopalian but for some reason it never caught on with me. I tried researching a bunch of religions to figure out what “fit”. After a while I just considered myself spiritual but not religious. If I had to compare it to a belief system, I would say it closely pairs with Buddhism. Just minus that whole “your body is a temple so don’t smoke or drink” nonsense. And as much as I would love to embrace a minimalistic perspective, I’m very much attached to some of my things.

Your Character:
Bad Habits: I drink, smoke, swear, correct grammar, and generally have an abrasive attitude towards anybody who either hurts a loved one or tells me that I can’t do something.
Good Habits: I am the most loyal person you can find. When I say something, I mean it. When I announce that I will do something, I get off of my ass and I do it. I don’t understand why but a lot of people in my life aren’t used to a female being that way. I’m also very understanding and accepting.
Best Characteristic: I’m very likable and “creepily charming” as my friend Kristal put it once. I’m also awesome with kids.
Worst Characteristic: I second guess myself sometimes and I can be one grizzled little cynic. I have been struggling with depression lately, and that has been increasing my anxiety a lot.
Worst Memory: Domestic violence. My father’s brother Steve. Almost being beheaded by a pontoon boat engine at 75 mph. Each scar on my body has a story on how it got there. Chances are, those stories aren’t happy.
Best Memory: Visual Basic class. Getting my trophy 3 years in a row from Fredonia State’s Comp Arts and Sci Fair. My first job.
Proud of: My intelligence, Dawson, some art I did as a child, my bravery.
Embarrassed by: hormonal mood swings. Oh. And whenever I see anyone in my family try to dance. I’ve seen more rhythm in a dyslexic amputated monkey trying to sign dubstep sounds.
Driving Style: I’m a very defensive driver. Very cautious and paranoid. Just because I’m smart enough to not kill myself or someone else in/with a vehicle doesn’t mean everybody else is the same. Seriously, have you ever driven in Arkansas? NOBODY knows how to merge.
Strong Points: Loyalty. Conviction. Humanity. “Old school” morals with an open mind.
Temperament: Hell hath no fury like a wench when you do manage to press my temper. I’m generally level headed and smiles but I do get angry. When I get angry, I tend to walk away. A phrase comes to mind. “God give me the patience because if you give me the strength I will rip a bitch in half.” I don’t do passive aggressive. I do aggressive aggressive.
Attitude: Generally positive. I’m in tune with my emotions and tend to use them as motivators for myself. My playground is the world and I’m a legend in the making.
Weakness: I’m way too compassionate.
Fears: Cars. Bees/wasps/shit that can kill me if it stings me. Letting people down.
Feels Vulnerable When: I am forced to go through something upsetting completely alone. When I feel that I’ve been emotionally cheated on.
Pet Peeves: People saying they will do something and not following through. Poor grammar. Trash television. Drug addicts. Infidelity. General douchebaggery and bigotry.
Short Term Goals and Hopes: Clean the living space. Get a better grip on my anxiety. Stop depression. Work on getting healthier. Happiness in employment.
Long Term Goals and Hopes: Be happy. Be free. Own a book shop. Maybe run a bakery. Become a rock star and then retire.
Sexuality: Sapiosexual (in short, I don’t care about your gender. I care if you’re smart.)
Exercise Routine: I mostly exercise by accident. I like to walk and explore. Prior to moving to Arkansas, I worked two full time jobs. THAT was a work out.
Day or Night Person: Night owl on a daylight schedule.
Introvert or Extrovert: HUUUUUUUUUGE extrovert with introverted tenancies.
Optimist or Pessimist: Realist

Likes and Styles:
Music: Anything but country and gospel. I’m an “audiophile”.
Books: I’ve yet to find a book I couldn’t enjoy somehow.
Foods: I absolutely love ethnic foods. Lately I’ve been on a Greek kick.
Drinks: I’m a coffee snob. I love everything about chai. And if you put alcohol in front of me and I have absolutely no obligations then there’s a chance I will drink it.
Animals: Penguins. Pangolins. Snakes. Spiders. If it’s not a human, I love it.
Social Issues: Gender Equality (NOT FEMINISM) LGBT Equality. Developmentally Disabled Civil Rights. The pussification of men.
Favorite Saying: DON’T JUDGE ME!
Color: shades of blues and hues of metal. And hunter green.
Clothing: Indian (meaning of India) scarves, flowing ankle skirts, and layered lightweight shirts, knee high socks/stockings with witch boots, bracelets that make noise when I move, glasses, soft and sheer fabrics… I’m somewhat of a fashionista.
Jewelry: A watch my mother had given me. A set of wooden earrings I had received for a birthday gift. A series of bracelets and anklets my mother got me when she was in India. A necklace Tommy gave me for my 25th birthday when we were walking among Dormont. A copper ring with a vintage camera on it. A swirled snake ring.
Games: Horror/survival games. RPGs. Strategy games. Platformers. Cheesy board games. Tabletops.
Greatest Want: Happiness
Greatest Need: Stability.

Where and How Do Your Live Now:
Home: I use this phrase liberally. I am in Northwest Arkansas.
Household furnishings: Some computer stuff. An insanely comfortable bed and a comfortable couch covered in small cat markings. Home made artwork and photos on the walls.
Favorite Possession: My laptop
Most Cherished Possession: A pendant necklace with a picture of Terra and Jerry in it. Also tied with a notebook a very good friend of mine gave me filled with kind words.
Neighborhood: I live on the good side of the fence.
Children: None of my own yet but someday…
Relationship with Family: Close to my mother’s side of the family. Outside of my siblings I’ve become very isolated and estranged from my father’s side of the family.
Best Friend: a white cat named Bumble.
Guilty Pleasure: Cobra Starship. Happy Hippos. Pocky. My Little Pony. Sleeping in.
Intelligence Level: …..Above average…..

Your Life Before Your Story:
Past Careers: Mostly dealing with the developmentally disabled, food service, or computer work.
Past Lovers: Everyone I’ve been with falls in to one of two categories. Either we’re better as friends then we ever were together or they have salted my Earth and deserve the worst of things.
Biggest Mistakes: Trying to trust people. Or hurting myself while trying to do stunts. Or every night I drank too much and threw up everywhere. Or stripping. Yeah. Stripping. HUGE mistake.
Biggest Achievements: Surviving while being as little jaded as I am.

If you had a weakness for one of the seven deadly sins, which one would it be and why? (pride,greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth)
I would have to say wrath. I have anger issues.

How do you feel in a crowd? How do you feel alone?
That would depend on the crowd. I’ve been shoulder to shoulder with the masses and I’ve felt completely alone and isolated. I’ve been in a room surrounded by my closest friends and that has made me so happy that I could have died and I would have been cool with it. There are sometimes where I have been content in my room alone. But those days have now become associated with unpleasant things. My room was so large because my twin sister was very violent and would attack me. It’s not that she meant to or really knew what she was doing. She has brain damage. I would have to go hide in my room. I would eat my meals away from my family. I would spend my birthdays and some holidays hauled up in my cave waiting to be able to come downstairs and just feel like I was a person and not a house pet locked in the other room during Thanksgiving dinner because pets beg for table scraps. I cry a lot more when I’m alone. These days it doesn’t matter. I feel isolated and detached regardless of the head count.

If you were asked to describe yourself, what would you say about the kind of person you are? How about how you look?
I’m a “strong independent black woman who don’t need no man.” An escape artist. A traveling bard. Jaunty. Charming. A professional vagabond and borderline bohemian. I am open for interpretation. Everyone I remind you of is no more than a cheap imitation. There is nobody out there with my combination of quirks and skills. Close, but not the same.

Where do you want to be in your life ten years from now?
On my way back from Greece.

A tear jerker is on. How do you react if alone? How do you react if with others?
When I am around others, I do my best to not let things get to me. I don’t want to get anybody down. I don’t want to make anybody have an unpleasant time. It’s not exactly like that when I’m solo. I was taught at a young age that my problems are better off internalized. I try to do it healthy though. I’m less likely to break if I’m around anything human. I put it off until I’m alone. I hate crying in front of others. I hate letting anybody see me on my knees or on my back like that. I am a pillar of strength and love for those dear to me. That makes it hard for me to let them see me when I’m weak.

What do you think would make a perfect first date?
Late night picnic under a meteor shower after exploring trails and book stores and ending by watching a sunrise over hot chocolate. I will also accept surviving the zombie attacks or watching the world catch fire.

How important is money to you? Why?
It’s a necessary evil. Outside of trading it for basic survival, it’s just colorful paper to me.

What do you consider romantic?
Two words for you. Doctor Who.

How do you deal with anger, sadness, external/internal conflict, change, loss, jealousy, hurt, ect…? Why?
I internalize it, figure out why I feel that way, and then decide what to do about it in a proactive fashion. Anything else is pointless.

How do you think others see you as a person? How do you think other see you when it comes to looks and clothes?
I imagine I appear fairly average to others. People assume I’m a reader because I kind of look like Velma. My appearance has calmed down a lot compared to when I was a live action glow in the dark Rainbow Bright doll.

Words Are Very Unnecessary.

Published August 23, 2012 by Jackie

It’s crisp tonight. Not all that warm. I can feel the weather down here getting cooler. I can feel the insatiable urge for hot apple cider and hooded zip up sweaters. I’m generally happy, especially when the seasons change like this. But I find myself feeling mixed. It’s like an emotional ADHD that I can’t shake. I find myself hesitant on even writing this. I don’t exactly know why though.

I had just gotten off of the phone with John. We were talking about past relationships and past experiences. Things that generally make me feel stabby. Things I’m not ready to discuss with the occasional stumbler who finds me. But I’ve had a multitude of things bothering me lately. At least to the point of what some would call problem drinking. I haven’t been honest with anybody about the amount I drink when I’m by myself but it’s enough to start rebuilding my tolerance. I’ve had the same lyrics playing in my head. The same songs. The same blur of misguided emotions. Rarely do I feel I have moments of clarity as of late. Sad, isn’t it? Such is the cycle. By this time tomorrow I’ll be my typically bubbly appearing individual. Wait! I’m on a tangent!

We were talking about things I don’t discuss. Things that are very hard for me to admit out loud because I had spent years tricking my memory in to thinking they were illusions. And we were starting to get in to a very deep part of it. Wrist deep in to the roots of things that cause me to lose sleep. Things I haven’t told my therapist back in New York. And the conversation ended abruptly. I think that may have hurt a little. Well. No. I know it hurt a little or I wouldn’t have gotten the rum. You know the old Irish proverb. “Drink until you can’t feel feelings anymore.” I guess it felt dismissed. Like it was casual conversation. Like we weren’t talking about something deep and troubling, but in stead were talking about something mundane and trivial like what we planned on having for lunch tomorrow or something. And it leaves me feeling a mix of things I’d rather not feel. It doesn’t bode well with me. That would explain why I’m on stiff drink number 7 of one half coconut rum and one half cherry pomegranate V8 Splash. I was dismissed because his friend Kim wanted to talk about something. And it’s not the first time I’ve felt like such a fucking girl about it. The last time it took me days to mention it. But that’s because it took me that long to say it without thinking I just might cry. It left me feeling a little disposable. A little insignificant. Those still aren’t the right words. Temporary maybe? I’m sure it will come to me. But if I keep this up I’m going to run out of alcohol. In an hour or so it will turn to hurt. And an hour from then, if I’m still awake it will turn in to a degree of anger or irritation.

I don’t think anybody really knows how much it sucks when you’re put on a back burner without notice by someone that you legitimately care about. I don’t think anybody realizes that I have effectively lived my life on the back burner until I couldn’t take it anymore. And then I left. My mother never kicked me out. I left on my own accord because I needed to be important to someone. Even if it was just myself. 

And I could be vindictive. I could be spiteful and hurtful. I could be cruel. But I can’t at the same time. It’s not like he intentionally made me cry. It’s not like anybody meant for me to feel this low. I can’t even bring myself to tell him that he brought me to tears. In all fairness, it wasn’t all him. I’m sure the rum and the acoustic music didn’t help. But that’s something I do that makes little sense to me. Why would it be so hard for me to say that someone upset me or hurt my feelings? I think that maybe because if I ever showed it that he would feel worse. Maybe it’s because I feel he’d bring it up to other people and it would make it weird for me. Does that make me a hypocrite? I mean, I’m the one blasting this on a blog that I’m fairly certain nobody reads. 

After we got off of the phone he briefly stopped talking to me and then texted me because she wasn’t talking to him. She took a phone call. We ended a serious conversation so swiftly for that? Something that takes me a long time to talk about? I don’t know when I’ll be ready to continue that conversation or any conversation on a deeper than face value level because as dumb and immature as it is, that shit hurts. And I STILL can’t bring myself to tell him that my responses are short because I’m hurt. Or that they’re distant because it’s hard to see when my glasses fog up from crying. I’m an extrovert but I’m so afraid of getting close to them. They always go away in the end. I don’t even have it in me to tell him that I’ve been crying since shortly after we got off of the phone. Or that I’m not done drinking yet. I really should though. Because not breathing a word feels like lying. 

Eye.

Published August 12, 2012 by Jackie

I walk.
I wait.
I stop.
I hesitate.
I am.
I breathe.
I meant
I think of me.
Is it any wonder I can’t sleep.
All I had is all you gave to me.
Is it any wonder I found peace through you?
-Eye by The Smashing Pumpkins

It dawns on me how terrible I am at updating this. Half the time I’m not sure why it exists. But it’s still an outlet. I think I have it because then I always have someone to talk to. Or maybe people just have me jaded. I’m finding it difficult to speak to people. It always turns in to the same tourniquet wrapped too tight. But a lot has been bothering me lately. So I imagine I’ll be updating more. Just not until I attempt to process the calamity that swells on the breached borders of my reality. I’m still alive even if on some days begrudgingly so.

I’m not dead. I promise.

Published July 13, 2012 by Jackie

Does anybody read this? I mean, outside of Drew. Probably not. But that’s neither here nor there. I wound up coming back to Arkansas and it’s driving me insane. I’ve been here for just shy of 2 weeks. And that drive sucked SO MUCH ASS! Seriously, fuck Ohio and fuck Missouri. Fuck Ohio because I spent far too long in Ohio and fuck Missouri for having creepy people at every gas station my mom and I tried to stop at. But enough of that unpleasant crap.

I’m currently working on my side project while taking care of things down here. What is it? A crafting blog. I’m seriously going nuts with so little to do down here. But the point of it all is this. I’m not dead. I did not fade off in to non-existence. I’m very much alive and very much still breathing.